Sneaking into AMC 30 and Fake Confidence

I walked up to the usher and flashed a ticket stub I'd found on the ground outside the theater.

“You want back in?” He asked.

“I just had a smoke,” Then I coughed, for effect. I figured they were really only looking for nervous teenagers and as long as I feigned confidence he'd never suspect me. I’ve been faking confidence for 20yrs now so this was an easy role. It worked.

Speaking of great acting, I stumbled into Doubt w/ Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman. As the film started a baby in the next row starts crying. Holy Shit. You bring your 5-month-old kid to see a film about Catholic priests raping boys? You suck at life and I want to punch you. Do you also hire Michael Jackson to baby-sit?

Luckily the mom picked up the child and left. Not 5 mins later and this dickhole’s cell phone goes off to the tune of “The Macarena”. Now I haven’t heard “The Macarena” in like 7 yrs but it’s just as annoying now as in it’s heyday. Before I could even get out a, “Hey dickhole”, “DICKHOLE!” or even a “Stupid dickhole” 3 other people were already scolding this poor guy. He certainly deserved it, the dickhole.

Next there was this crying baby who was concomitantly talking on his iPhone, but I won’t get into that. Overall Doubt is a very good film. I can see how it might piss off Catholics, though. But hey, you don’t hear about Rabbis playing “Hide the Salami” w/ their Hebrew School class. It would have to be Kosher Salami, too.

The performances from Hoffman and Streep were amazing. This was no surprise. What was surprising were the strong supporting roles played by Amy Adams and Viola Davis. Doubt has a cool ending and certainly challenges its audience.

As the 2nd act ended an usher, complete w/ his $5 uniform and mini-flashlight, approached me. I thought, “Well, it was good while it lasted,” and reached for my wallet.

“Sir, you can’t eat those here,” and he pointed toward my bag of dried fruit.

“I’m…” and I immediately thought I'd say I was diabetic but figured he’d ask to see an insulin syringe or something so what came out was: “I have hereditary beta-galactosidase deficiency and I get hypoglycemic.”

“What?” the puzzled kid asked me.

“Beta-galactosidase deficiency. Look, I can go buy some Sour Patch Kids or something...”

“No, it’s cool.” Was his response. Faking confidence is impt. There can be no doubt.

Why I Like Depressing Movies

Everyone saw Dark Knight this summer. I saw it twice. It was pretty cool. I do enjoy these feel good movies with car chases and love triangles and the good guy gets the girl in the end... Ok, so Batman wasn’t exactly like that. Still it’s become a cliché to say that people like these movies b/c they provide an escape. This begs the question, an escape from what?

I’ll tell you, but please don’t take it personally. These “happy people” movies help you forget about your own miserable life and assuage the challenges of further contemplating the brutal realities of what it means to live in our society and time. It’s been pointed out, most notoriously by Kevin Smith, that The Empire Strikes Back is the best Star Wars film for the very fact that it’s a series of down notes and that this sequence of events is so real and powerful that it captures life much better than the other movies.

It’s not popular to make such a statement but I’m not here to make friends or get your vote for the PTA. For a lot of people life is a never ending downer in the pursuit of happiness. One continuous losing streak, day after day after day. Working unsociable hours in a job you hate, getting so depressed even your friends hate you, having no love life, no one to comfort you or turn to, and waking up wishing that you hadn't. This is why Dark Knight will always be loved by more people than a biting discussion of nihilism set in a period piece (No Country For Old Men, my favorite movie last yr).

The other huge reason I have an affinity for this brand of cinema is that even if the movie makes you feel a little blue, at least it made you feel something. I watched Dark Knight, Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk this summer. Other than a temporary rise in testosterone, I felt nothing from all 3 of them. And those were actually decent movies. But if they don’t touch you, what’s the point? It’s kind of like having sex with someone who you don’t really like. It feels kind of good right when it happens, but it really doesn’t do anything meaningful for you. And in the long run, you’ll probably regret the experience (unless you sleep with me, of course).

And here is a short clip from the 1998 film Happiness, written and directed by Todd Solondz. They go a little overboard in the movie but it’s still really well done and the acting is remarkable at times.