Growing up my parents and teachers led me to believe that I could be anything. I guess that means they all did a good job. As I turn 30 this month, I wanted to write about a number of things that I will never do but secretly fantasized about while I was still a kid. I didn’t just come up with this list now, it’s been jumping around in my head for some time. But since I am nearing that inevitable mid-life crisis that is bound to hit around 2019, I thought I’d brush it off again.List of Things I always wanted to do but now realize I never will:
1.Hit a homerun out of Wrigley Field
2.Make out with Brooke Shields
3.Be the President of the United States
4.Be the President of anything other than a Quantum Leap fan fiction club
5.Slam dunk a basketball
6.Consume 30 White Castle hamburgers in a single sitting
7.Meet Jesse Jackson and call him “n-word” to his face and then run like hell
8.Be asked to guest star on The Muppet Show
9.Perform in a band with Eric Clapton playing lead guitar
10.Successfully navigate through an asteroid field, despite the odds being 3,720:1
Lofty goals, I know, but at some point in my youth I thought I would get to do all of them. The file in my mind is much longer. Some of the remaining items (not listed) are actually doable. I can run a marathon. Shit, I ran almost 20miles this summer before fucking up my knee. I could be on Jeopardy and win a true Daily Double. I can be published in Science, you never know! One day I might beat “Dragon Force” on Guitar Hero. And last time I checked Jesse Jackson still lives in Chicago, so look out for #7.
