A little piece about Cubs fans and how it is negatively affecting my current existence. It's not really about Nihilism, but believe me, there's lots of potential for an entry about tha
t connection as well.“We are made to suffer, it's our lot in life.”
-C-3PO as he traversed the harsh terrain of Tatooine
-C-3PO as he traversed the harsh terrain of Tatooine
For a brief historical trip, in no particular order:
1.Collapse of th
e 1969 team to the “Miracle Mets”. Pre-Rupert Roo era.
1.Collapse of th
e 1969 team to the “Miracle Mets”. Pre-Rupert Roo era.2.Leon Durham in 1983, he broke my 5-yr-old heart.
3.Bartman, that’s all I’m gonna say about this one.
4.1989 team that lost game 5 to SF and I had tickets to game 6 at Wrigley. I was 10 y/o and I did cry like a little bitch.
5.Something about a goat?
6.1919 team shrouded in scandal with a despicable betting ring that would plunge baseball into darkness and forever tarnish the game… oh wait, that was a different Chicago team.
It’s been 100 yrs since the Cubs last won a WS, the same yr that my grandfather was born. An entire century of failure. That’s something of an accomplishment in itself, right? No other team, not even the Indians or BoSox can claim such consistent levels of near-mediocrity.
It’s been 100 yrs since the Cubs last won a WS, the same yr that my grandfather was born. An entire century of failure. That’s something of an accomplishment in itself, right? No other team, not even the Indians or BoSox can claim such consistent levels of near-mediocrity.
But that’s okay for me. I’m only 30, so I have a good 40-50yrs left to see
them try to turn it around. Unfortunately that task is getting more difficult as Cubs tix are harder to find than the crate that holds the Ark of the Covenant in that massive warehouse. And if you’re lucky enough to find them, you’ll pay dearly. Back in August bleacher seats were selling for $120. Obviously I’m pissed off at this predicament, and the seemingly inevitable reality that I will probably not get to see a single Cubs playoff game. You see, I love the Cubs. But I really hate some of the asshole fans. That’s right, I blame the asshole Cubs fans. It’s a fairly common phenomenon that when sports teams start to do well, popularity increases and ticket sales rise. In the 70’s, Chicago Bulls tickets could be found for <$5. Then they drafted some guy named Jordan and things among fans changed… And change for the worse then certainly have.
Here is my short list of things that bug me about Cubs fans today:
1.Couldn’t tell you the name of any Cubs player except, “Is Sosa still there”?
2.More interested in staring at breasts and getting shit-faced than the game. Now I am 100% for both of these activities, especially if done in tandem. But not at a Cubs game. Not at Wrigley. Do that at home with your
friends, the beer will be much cheaper and you'll get better seats for the titties.
friends, the beer will be much cheaper and you'll get better seats for the titties.3.At any given point >33% of the fans are texting or at least talking to someone with their new iPhone, pausing sometimes to search for a clip of a monkey smelling his finger on Youtube.
4.Hordes of people arriving right on time during the bottom of the 3rd inning. Luckily these same dickholes leave in the top of the 6th.
5.Lincoln Park trixies who wear pink Cubs hats and talk about where they get their pubes waxed while the bases are loaded with 2 outs. Yes, this has happened to me.
6.The SuperDad who brings his 8 undisciplined kids to the game, one is 4 months old.
I could easily continue but I think you get my general vibe here: A lot of the ‘fans’ are ill-informed and not interested in b
aseball at all. They are tourists, like Ed Norton would say in Fight Club. In a way I'm jealous, b/c I feel that real fans (like me) have watched this team through the bad times and now can’t go to a game because I don’t work for some Hedge Fund that has corporate season tickets. I know that not all fans are innocuous tools. But with the rate of innocuous tools on such a dramatic upswing, they are a difficult population to ignore.
I could easily continue but I think you get my general vibe here: A lot of the ‘fans’ are ill-informed and not interested in b
aseball at all. They are tourists, like Ed Norton would say in Fight Club. In a way I'm jealous, b/c I feel that real fans (like me) have watched this team through the bad times and now can’t go to a game because I don’t work for some Hedge Fund that has corporate season tickets. I know that not all fans are innocuous tools. But with the rate of innocuous tools on such a dramatic upswing, they are a difficult population to ignore. Which leads m
e to my conclusion. If you read through the above list and it sounds like you, please do not go to Wrigley Field, at least not in October. Think of the alternative: Stay at home with your family and watch the game on your 50 inch plasma. You can wear your extra small, Hollister faux-rugby shirt and tilt your cap to the side, just as you like it. You can get wasted in the privacy of your own home and not have to vomit in a urinal trough! You can call all your friends at any point in time and share hilarious Youtube videos from your iPhone. Just don’t call me, there’s a game on I’ve been waiting 30yrs to see.
e to my conclusion. If you read through the above list and it sounds like you, please do not go to Wrigley Field, at least not in October. Think of the alternative: Stay at home with your family and watch the game on your 50 inch plasma. You can wear your extra small, Hollister faux-rugby shirt and tilt your cap to the side, just as you like it. You can get wasted in the privacy of your own home and not have to vomit in a urinal trough! You can call all your friends at any point in time and share hilarious Youtube videos from your iPhone. Just don’t call me, there’s a game on I’ve been waiting 30yrs to see.
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