Karaoke & Cliff Diving & Beautiful Women

This post can be found in entirety at: http://rupertroo.blogspot.com/
An old friend from med school I’d not seen since graduation was recently in Chicago. We met at a suburban dive to share stories from our respective residencies and a few drinks. We also shared our enjoyment of mediocre bar Karaoke. Everything from Journey and Aerosmith to New Kids on the Block were explored. We weren’t very good. But we weren’t terrible, either. And it was fun. No animals were hurt. As per my diet I didn’t drink anything alcoholic, and was surprised that I still had a really fun time. More surprising was that other bar patrons did not wish to participate in Karaoke. I spoke briefly with a few people at our table and no one gave very convincing answers as to why they didn’t want to try it.

One person said, “I don’t think it’ll be fun”. That was the best response I heard and seemed reasonable. However most, I suspect, were just scared. Scared of “looking stupid” or “sounding bad”. Both phrases would’ve accurately described not only my earlier Karaoke performances, but also large parts of my adolescence and adulthood. Perhaps it’s an inherent human trait or maybe a societal construct that’s been engraved into everyone’s psyche since birth, but most people are afraid of looking stupid in front of complete strangers.

I don’t want to look like an ass in front of my boss at work. And I don’t want to appear stupid in front of my parents. But to a bunch of people at a bar who you’ll never see again? I don’t care if they thought I was Kevin Federline. I know I’m better than that.

The same principle applies when approaching an attractive person of the opposite sex (or same, given your taste). It’s natural to harbor feelings of pressure or doubt even if you’re the most confident man in the world. These feelings should not prevent you from talking to her. The lonely but clever and handsome guy waiting for a beautiful woman to approach him is a guy for whom I have no sympathy. Grow a pair and try to connect with this person; she could be fascinating! Much like the people at that crappy bar listening to everyone else sing, most guys sit there with their 3rd gin and tonic, mutter something that’s witty only to them and leave alone. Other than high frequency masturbation statistics, this behavior contributes little to the world. Personal experience has taught me this fact. I’ve also learned a way to overcome this barrier.

It first occurred to me in 1998 when I was living in Houston for a summer. Some friends took me cliff diving one day. I’d never done this before and was rightfully petrified. The rocks on the edge of the precipice were not made of styrofoam, and when I stared down over the 50ft drop I swear I felt my balls reascend into my pelvis. One of my friends jumped first and he did ok. Then the next and he was alive as well. As I slowly stepped up to the edge I was more and more inclined not to jump. The fear of death was palpable. My friend joked to me, “Run as fast as you can and when you get to the edge you’ll have to jump!”

That plan seemed as good as any. And given that my balls were no longer an external organ, I would pick up considerable speed due to aerodynamics. I closed my eyes, wiped the dense sweat from my brow and began to run. I sprinted toward the cliff and soon realized that I was running way too fast to stop. I was pot committed. I was jumping. And I did it. The instant I hit the water below a rush overcame me. I’ve never used drugs like coke or heroin, but this jump was one of the best natural highs I’ve ever felt that didn’t involve sex. To think I would’ve never known this feeling if I had pussed out, like every functional instinct in my body told me to do.

That’s what makes this comparison so sad. Humans aren’t supposed to jump off cliffs. It’s normal to be scared of this and to feel apprehensive about hurling your body off of a frigging cliff. There’s real, physical danger involved, it’s fucking tangible. But initiating a conversation with someone you think could be interesting? Singing a song when you don’t even know the lyrics just because you like the melody? Aren’t these things part of life? Aren’t they part of the human experience? Benign, hopefully positive interactions with our surroundings shouldn’t be as painful as jumping off a cliff.

People who know me can attest that talking to beautiful women and Karaoke are not my strong suites, although I have improved at both drastically over the years. At least now I don’t have to close my eyes and run my ass off before I talk to a pretty girl at a bar.