Disgusting Gym Story... Kinda Funny

This post can be found in entirety at: http://rupertroo.blogspot.com/
I’m a member of one of the most luxurious “athletic clubs” in the Chicago suburbs. One might think that the exorbitant monthly bill would decrease the odds of depraved and gross people from joining this gym…. Wrong!

There are many nauseating stories to tell. There was the time I walked into the steam room to find an elderly man lying on the floor totally naked with his hairy, wrinkled ass staring up at me. I swear that for a moment, he winked at me. Or take the middle-aged woman with a BMI of 60, who could’ve won the award for “World’s Most Inappropriately Revealing Leotard”, who was working out on every machine that I was going to use next. She was sure to leave a full body sweat mark on each station in her wake that she repeatedly never wiped down. I get chills just remembering that one. No, I think that this one beats them all out:


“The depth of your depravity sickens me”
–Jerry Falwell (Class A-1 Asshole per 2008 UAA Standards)

I walked toward the pocket of lockers where mine was located when I noticed an obstacle blocking my space. In front of me was a large (pushing 3 bills, easily) Asian man bent over as if he was touching his toes. He was displaying his ass and coin purse to me, in all it’s shining glory. His twigs and berries were lost somewhere in the depths of the cavernous stretch marks of his massive thighs. Initially repulsed, I regrouped and tried to circumvent his large, portly frame. Realizing that his immense body would not allow such a maneuver I was about to politely ask him to step aside when I realized that he was actually drying himself off.

He proceeded to move the white, cotton towel up his legs until he reached his groin. Next he began to use the towel as butt floss as he used this back-and-forth motion to dry off his taint. The Asian man did this butt-flossing routine for about 5 seconds. When he stopped he looked down at the towel to find it was now a light shade of brown. He paused and shrugged his shoulders in a “Geez, how’d that happen?” kind of way and proceeded as if nothing unusual had just occurred. I swiftly walked out of the locker room, trying desperately to suppress my gag reflex.