Note:This REALLY happened to me 7/18/09Being a health nut, I ate at McDonalds. I anticipated that this would induce regret in the form of steatorrhea (medical term for greasy, gross diarrhea), but I did NOT forecast this series of asshole-laden events. BTW, wikipedia "steatorrhea" for a more thorough description.
The car in the drive-thru ahead of me must’ve ordered a McKobe Steak b/c he was told to move up and wait a few minutes. I advanced and got my McNuggets.
Then I realized that the dick who ordered the McKobe didn’t pull up far enough to give me space adequate to leave. Looking back I saw a line of 3 cars now waiting behind me. Reverse was no option.
So I honk
ed my horn twice to no effect. I had a cigarette and listened to "Beat It" by MJ on my iTouch. Now other cars are honking at me. Adjacent to where this bastard was waiting were 3 parking spots w/ a sign that clearly read: "Waiting Area: Thanks for your patience". I asked the checkout girl if she could do something but found her level of English comprehension was equal to that of a goldfish. I left my car and approached this douche of royal proportions. King Douchingham the III was a 40ish bald, black guy wearing an even blacker long sleeved shirt.
ed my horn twice to no effect. I had a cigarette and listened to "Beat It" by MJ on my iTouch. Now other cars are honking at me. Adjacent to where this bastard was waiting were 3 parking spots w/ a sign that clearly read: "Waiting Area: Thanks for your patience". I asked the checkout girl if she could do something but found her level of English comprehension was equal to that of a goldfish. I left my car and approached this douche of royal proportions. King Douchingham the III was a 40ish bald, black guy wearing an even blacker long sleeved shirt.ME:Maybe you want to park over in the waiting area?
It seemed like a simple enough request.
It seemed like a simple enough request.
KING DOUCHINGHAM:Maybe you want to go fuck off!
(And he said it w/ that accentuation, too)
(And he said it w/ that accentuation, too)
Put yourself in my shoes. What am I supposed to do, punch him in the face? Do I spit on him or shout a racial slur; surely he’s opened the door to any of these options.
But I don’t want to be arrested or go to jail. And being a somewhat thin, white guy… I didn’t want to get the shit beaten out of me (although I think I could’ve taken him given the age difference).
ME:Ok. I’m just gonna go back to my car and fuck off a little bit. Let me know if you want to join in.
Walking back to my shitty car I lit up another smoke. I put on "Black or White", also on my Michael Jackson iTouch playlist, and turned up the volume until the dashboard started to shake. Skin color really doesn’t matter; but if you’re an a-hole that’s like triple word score points, fucker.
Sigh (I literally sighed when I wrote that last part). McDonalds used to be "Food, Folks and Fun" but has been reduced to "Food, Steatorrhea and King Douchingham the III". Not quite the same
ring, is it?
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